Not to sound too much like a prude but I blushed my way through my first intimate scene. All I could think was that my mother was going to read this and the next time I see her there will be that long, awkward moment when she tells me she liked the book and then won’t look me in the face.
Which is probably why that scene lasted all of two paragraphs in Sedition. The sequel had a much longer scene, but after Saboteur I came to a place in my writing where I recognized that as much as I enjoy love stories, I did not enjoy explaining what 100% of the adult reading public already knows how to do.
Granted, there is a HUGE market where authors are making bank on steamy scenes. I even read some of them.
Are there boundaries I think shouldn’t be crossed in writing?
Well… That depends on if you’re asking professional-writer-me or happy-reader-me.
Professional-writer-me understands that the moment we censure fiction is the moment we’ve crossed into someone’s freedom. That said, there are things that even romance publishers express as tasteless and wrong, and I agree with them.
Because I don’t want to trigger anyone who may have suffered from trauma, I will leave it at that.
Happy-reader-me skips over steamy scenes.
I just do.
It’s nothing against the writing. If I’ve made it to that scene, it means the relationship in the novel has progressed enough and engaged me enough to keep me going. The steamy-scene is just sort of… obligatory?
I also do not enjoy writing the typical romance novel where strangers meet and grow into lovers. This is probably because I have a general fear of meeting new people – Introverts Unite! – and all my experiences have been full of anxiety and paranoia.
BUT…
I am a romantic.
My stories are full of characters who love each other, but it is a love that has grown naturally over the course of the story . And honestly, I am more interested in seeing how that love defines the lives of the characters and shapes who they are both as a couple and as individuals.
I like stories about marriages.
Nelek and Trenna, who star in the Sedition Series, are a marriage.
In the Tapped series, Seach and Jorry grew into a romance after many years together.
Cordon and Tessa, who will be in my upcoming novel The Soul Between Us, were married young but military/life pulled them apart. Their story is about mending a bridge.
So where does that leave me in the romance/relationship aspect of storytelling?
I want my readers to love how my characters love each other, and that goes beyond the bedroom. It goes into the sacrifices they make for the other person, the decisions they make as a team, and ultimately the story they have to tell.
I can pretty much guarantee that my intimate scenes will fade to black. They exist because intimacy is a part of every relationship, and without it there would be some serious alarm bells going on for every marriage counselor out there, but sometimes even fictional characters deserve some privacy.
See what my fellow authors have to say about relationships in fiction…
Margaret Fieland http://margaretfieland.wordpress.com
Skye Taylor http://www.skye-writer.com/blogging_by_the_sea
Victoria Chatham http://www.victoriachatham.com
Beverley Bateman http://beverleybateman.blogspot.ca/
A.J. Maguire https://ajmaguire.wordpress.com/ (YOU ARE HERE)
Marci Baun http://www.marcibaun.com/blog/
Dr. Bob Rich https://wp.me/p3Xihq-1vP
Rhobin L Courtright http://www.rhobinleecourtright.com
AJMaguire 
I agree that the relationship is what makes me keep reading. I’ve written sex scenes because my characters have taken me there and, as the author, it makes me stretch my writerly muscles to accommodate them and be as tasteful as I can be. Having said that, my preference is to simply hint at the sexual encounter and leave it at that.
So true that the emotional connection is what makes the romance and the characters memorable and enjoyable. I do write sex scenes, but for me it’s more about how they are reacting to the mounting passion emotionally, what they are thinking and feeling beyond the mechanics. And more often than not, writing the actual scene isn’t necessary to get the point across.
When a sex scene becomes obligatory for anyone in the process of writing, publishing, or reading, it loses its value as a foundation of love and trust doesn’t it? I believe readers are more open and savvy than that. Good post, A. J.
As a fellow introvert, I agree with you. Great statement that 100% of readers already know how to do it.
🙂